With no interesting new releases in sight, our author takes a look back at three movies he absolutely hated when they were first released. Let’s see what happened over the past few years.

A Movie Retrospective

Sometimes it’s difficult to fill all your free time as an incredibly lazy student, who should definitely spend more time behind a desk than in front of a PS4 or with my Apple TV. But, nevertheless, I spend a few hours watching some (in my opinion) bad films with the hope that I might enjoy them more at this point. I just want to say, these are all movies I very much wanted to like before they came out. Well, that didn’t work out so let’s start the shame parade:

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men’s Chest (2006)

I know what some might think: „How can someone dislike the Pirates of the Caribbean movies? They are witty and fun!?“
First of all, I enjoyed the first one very much and am always in the right mood to watch that one again. But throw in a lot of overacting by almost the entire cast, obviously obvious special effects, and a script more focussed on the visual spectacle rather than a coherent and intelligently designed narrative, and it all falls apart within the first few minutes. Which is a shame because the first part was so great.
Interestingly enough, I enjoyed this movie a lot when I rewatched it recently. Sure, it’s far from being a brilliant film, when you can overlook it’s shortcomings though, not influenced by the anticipation of an opening day in the theaters, it’s just a fun journey on the high seas.

The Lone Ranger (2013)

Maybe there’s a pattern here. Another movie by Gore Verbinski, Disney, and Jerry Bruckheimer. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
The Lone Ranger is a remake of a U.S. Radio and later TV series from the 1950s of the same name and with this, spends a lot of time on exposition. But after that, the story dives right into the action with Armie Hammer in the title role of the Lone Ranger (doing a very decent job), and Johnny Depp in one of his worst performances ever. This combined with an uninspired script and over the top action sequences, no wonder The Lone Ranger is one of The Walt Disney Company’s biggest financial losses in history. Oh and we will come to the biggest one in just a minute.
Despite all of that though, when I watched the movie a few days ago I realized something: sometimes I like some mindless storytelling and crazy action. Yeah sure, Johnny Depp’s performance is still hilariously bad but disregarding that, hell yeah I’m going to take a western with current special effects and explosions. But overall I think I’m done with that for a while now.

John Carter (2012)

A movie adaptation of arguably the first modern SciFi novel. The novel that majorly inspired the story and style of Star Wars and laid the foundation for the whole genre from movies to games, from Star Trek to Halo.
What a shame that it had to be shit.
And I don’t mean the lovable kind of shit, that can be beautiful in the right light, no. If this movie was person, it just got drunk, broke into your home and took a big dump in your bathtub. Ok, I may have been a little too harsh, but I had to make you understand how much i loath this movie. Because I have to confess something to you…
I couldn’t watch it again. I tried. Twice. But as I realized that no one is forcing me to watch it, I mean I was alone at home with a big bucket of chicken nuggets in my lap, I decided that this movie can fuck right off. Sorry, I’m being rude again. But with this you know just how bad this movie is. The very first time I wanted to watch it back in 2012, I left the cinema after 10 minutes. So, yeah. I hate John Carter.

But even with John Carter on the list, I’m glad I did this. At least for me, Movies, TV and Games are very mood based and no one can’t say that something you’d generally like just fell through because you had a bad day.
Give that stuff  a second chance once in a while.

If you want to follow me playing Overwatch or Red Dead Redemption, head over to Twitter @TheAncientEU where you can also follow me on XBOX Live or PSN as well.
And next week we’ll dive into a gaming retro-review of a six year old game. If you want to know what it is, check back next Tuesday!

Beitragsbild: Kevin Wendlandt
Filmcover: The Walt Disney Company